Hello again my Divas. I have had a weird year and lots and lots of great stories to tell. I am going to start with something that actually happened yesterday. Does anyone love Pop Tarts? Well I have a LOVE-HATE relationship with them. I love them, they hate me!! Anyway I broke down and bought a box, Blueberry, and popped a couple in the toaster and decided right then that I had to destroy the rest or else I would eat them all in one setting (it has been about 1 year since I had a pop tart) so I tore them up and threw them down the drain. So by now my beauties are about done in the toaster and I take them out and put them on a paper towel to put my butter in them. I am just about to take my first bite and my phone rings. I take the call and politely end the conversation as fast as I can, I need my Pop Tart. Finally i get to it and I pick up my first one and along with it comes the paper towel. CRAP, I placed it frosting side down,NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So you guessed it, I picked as much off as i could but ended up eating a fair amount, it was pretty good!! Oh well can never get enough Fiber!!!
Then…….all hell broke loose!!!
Everyone has a bucket list, right? Well I have 2. Things I want to do before I die and things I DON’T want to happen but would kinda be cool if they did!
Well I am now able to mark 1 off my list number 2. Let me start from the beginning. My husband decided that he needed to try to catch the feral cats we have in the back yard so that we can let our new little baby ( we now own a tea cup Chorky, 2 pounds of nothing ) out in the back yard to use the facilities without being drug off like dinner for one.
So, Lets set a trap. So in the morning we have a catch, not quiet the catch we thought as it has a stripe, as in skunk OMD!!!! So he leaves for work, leaving the poor animal in the trap ( not a hurting trap , just one that closes when they enter to eat the food) so my daughter decides she is going to set it free. I watch her for about 20 minutes and I say I can’t let her do this by herself. So I go out , not sure what the hell to do and we start messing with the trap. So after about 20 more minutes we almost have this animal free to do as it pleases and I made the ultimate mistake. I stepped in his line of vision. I looked up and saw a red hole and he sprayed the shit out of me and I ran away screaming like I just got shot from a shot gun. We were laughing so hard we could hardly stand up, it was hilarious
I ran to the shower and had my daughter make me tomato anything to wash with to get the smell off me, and I showered for the next 20 minutes. Pretty sure it’s all off I get out. The house smells like crap and we can’t smell anything but skunk butt. So I get the great idea to put Ben gay under my nose to take the smell away. Remember Ben gay is a muscle pain reliever. So now I can’t feel my nose and it itches like crazy. My clothes are ruined and my house smell like crap and we still have an animal in the trap.
Needless to say my hubby does not believe that I got sprayed as he does not believe that we would even attempt to let the thing go. We were just trying to be nice, Diva Say what!!!!!! Never again!!! Hell I ruined a $100 pair of jeans, shit!!!!!
Isnt it weird how we all want to have that puppy or kitten when we see it. We just want to take it home and you just know that all will be ok and it is going to be the perfect pet (yea right ) this time. Well, I did just that. I have been wanting a tea cup dog for awhile and I just couldn’t see paying $1,000 or more for one without seeing it, Been there, done that!
So as I was passing my favorite Discount store I happened to see this cute little girl waving a sign “Puppy for Sale”. Of course I was gonna stop and JUST LOOK!!! Well long story short I left the parking lot with this beautiful pup and started my life again as an animal owner. You know deep down when you are doing it that a few days later your going regret it, but you do it anyway, what is wrong with us? You forget how much time and energy they take. Luckily he is really cute and we both adore him BUT we are having a really hard time finding him a name that we both like. My husband wanted to name him for his heritage and I just want a cute name that sound good when you are yelling it really loud because they are crapping on your rug, again!!!
So we are still calling him whatever happens to be the favorite name of the day (man is he gonna be so confused) and we are no closer to finding one we both like. I have decided that by the end of the week I am going to make the executive decision as I am the one that gives him his bath, feeds him, irons his Little Tommy Bahama and wife beater shirts, gets up with him at night and cleans up after his messes. I have earned the right.
Stay tuned for a Friday update on the name of the pup and remember Every Daze is Different……..
Ok Divas, just letting you know that I have been in a funk, and I think it has caused brain farts ( You know when thoughts come into your head and then poof they are gone, brain farts!!). Needless to say I have been walking around the house moping and feeling sorry for myself all because I found a grey hair, DOWN THERE!!!!!
What the F do you do with that? They are just like little cock roaches, you may only see one but you know all their little friends are in there hiding also!! So this bring me to one of the things on my bucket list: get a brazillian!! So I have read all the horror stories ( I so don’t want to have to go to the ER and tell them this story) and they sure the heck have scared me out of doing this for the last 25 years. I SO would be that 1 in a million person that the really horrible thing would happen to.
I know you are saying just shave yourself. Ok this only works if you can see and reach the area you are working on. I have dreams where I am looking all cute and wearing a thong and then turn around and I have a goatee coming out the back of my undies, so NOT attractive!!!
First things first though, who do I want to do this, how does one go about finding the right person to rip the hair off their private parts? So I need some advice, or just good stories….
More later but for now, Have a Good Daze…………
Well hello to my fellow Divas. The last few days I have been rather bored and looking for an outlet for my energy ( ABSOLUTELY NO PUN INTENDED, you will see once you have read my story) or a new hobby. You know something to do, something to look forward to, like shopping!!!
So I was doing my research on line and hit on yoga. Well what I found surprised the heck out of me. First of all YOGA is defined as a way to attain your inner peace through movements and peaceful inner thinking. Then I read through a few more sites, really wanting to try this. THEN I read THE story. Yoga could cause some women to VART!!!! WHAT!!!
After laughing for about 20 minutes I decided to try to make my way through this story. I have never laughed so hard at a story that actually was trying to be serious. All I could think about was taking a class so that I could see what really goes on and maybe on the off chance be able to use my favorite line EVER from Brides Maids .
Can you see an entire room full of Yoganites all doing their down ward dog ( whatever) and all the sudden I do this huge VART and I get to say ” I want to apologize, I am not even confidant of which end that came out of”. Man that would make my entire year!!!!! Needless to say I decided to pass on yoga after a day of contemplating it. They would just kick me out anyway, I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing, I would never attain my level of spiritual calmness.
So onward to find another outlet for my energy. Any of you awesome divas have a suggestion ( that doesn’t involve accidental body noises) please let me know…….
Have an awesome Daze!!!!
As I was sitting here drinking my morning coffee, I was just reminiscing about things that have happened in my life and how the rules seem to change as you get older………..
* Never try to cut costs and hang your own chandelier, NO Matter how much HGTV you watch. And if you do make sure you are not on a swivel chair and all furniture is out of the room!!!
* Never trust a fart after 40. ( that goes back to having an extra set of clothes in your car emergency kit! )
* Never turn your back on a coop full of chickens. Man them suckers are fast, and quiet!!
* after tanning you should have them turn on more light for you to get dressed. Then you wouldn’t wonder why your bra shrunk 2 sizes while you were in there just to find out you were trying to put your underwear on over your head. ( Now that was a day I was proud of! ).
That’s enough for now, tune in next Saturday for more Saturdaze thoughts, Have a good Daze………..
Well in light of what happened this weekend ( see Diva Daze 6) I have decided to add to the emergency kit in the trunk of my car. Yep, you guessed it, shoes!!! I went through my closet, and chose the 2 pair of shoes I wear the least and that would go with anything in such an emergency.
Wrapped them up and put them right beside my make up bag, blow dryer, curling iron and an extra set of clothing ( don’t even get me started on that story, another day).
In the process of doing this good deed I have come across many Diva finds. I would like to share them with you in the off chance you may need to have a road side emergency kit also. Please go to the “Find of the Daze” page and start shopping!!!
Shoes!!! Everyone Loves shoes. Most times us Divas find the shoes first and then pick out the outfit, they complete the look!!!
So this weekend when my better half asked me to go out for him to “pick up a few things”, I of course said yes. One hour later after my shower and picking out the best outfit for the day, doing my nails, just a little pedi and changing my purse to match the outfit( don’t even act like we don’t all do that), I was ready to go. I jumped in the car, drove 20 minutes down the road, pulled into the lot and then jumped out of the car. Well, something just did not feel right, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it and then I looked down. OMG!!! I had my slippers on, WTH!!!!! when did this happen, why didn’t my hubby say something!!! (pay backs are a bitch there, let me tell you!!)
How could I have made it out of the house without changing my shoes? I may have been a little distracted, I was going shopping you know. How often does your hubby actually ask you to GO shopping? I was excited at the thought that since he asked me to go I could pass off the few extra items that got into the cart some how. So here I was looking all cool, with my slippers on. Wow, I almost turned around and came back , I was a little ticked off because the outfit I picked needed at least a 2inch wedge to pull it off, oh well, another day!!! But then the Diva in me came out and decided that I was just going to go in, get his items as fast as possible and just act like nothing at all was wrong. Everything went fine, I by -passed all the good looking guys, held my head up high while passing all others Divas, (just acted like I was trying to start a new fad!!) and made it out in 10 minutes flat.
I will say that it was the shortest amount of time I have ever spent shopping and my hubby got a huge Laugh of the Day over that one! Oh well, all in the Daze of the Diva!!!!
So i get up every day with good intentions, thinking ” Today I will eat right and work out”. I put on my super Diva work out suit ( oh come on girls you know what I mean) and walk around the house thinking any minute I will leave to go subject myself to pulling my underwear out of my ass while running at 2.1mph on a treadmill. Wouldn’t want to work out too hard, I might get sweat stains on my new super Diva work out suit. So I Show up for 30minutes, put in my time, take my ear buds out ( I have to get my Young And The Restless fix when i can ) Put them in my work out bag and call it a day.
So after many months of this, and not getting any results, DUH!! I was rummaging around my DVDs to see if I had an at home work out that I could try. Well, boy did I!!!
You know how they all have the introductory DVD , you know the one that shows you the moves? I actually watched it this time. I thought this is going to be SO easy and I won’t even have to worry about pulling my underwear out of my ass in front of anyone.
So I put in the first 30 minute workout. The moves seemed simple enough, at first. Two minutes later I was huffing and puffing, sucking down the H2O, and wiping the sweat out of my eyes like there was no tomorrow. I kept thinking it was the first DVD in the series she will make it easier soon. Nope, my new little work out Diva was putting me through the ringer. I wanted to quit, I really, really wanted to quit, but she just kept making it seem like she was having so much fun.
Finally it was over, that was the longest 30 minutes of my life, but i did it. I felt really good and I was extremely soaked. I was so wet that my clothing couldn’t soak up any more and it was running out the bottom of my pants into my shoes, yuck!!!!! So I jumped in the shower and peeled the clothes from my body, never had a shower felt better or more deserved.
So here it is, week 3 of my work outs and I love every one. I can see and feel the changes in my body everyday, about damn time. I still sweat just as bad but no more super Diva suits! Now I wear shorts and a wife beater, easier to get off when you are soaking wet. Really ladies. NO exaggerating on this!!!
Here is the link for this awesome workout if any of you Divas out there want to try it, or if you just like to sweat. Try it and then let me know how it works for you. Have a good Daze……..
http://www.bodyFX.com JNL Fusion. Make sure to get the rope!!
Quote ” I am glad that I have a wife I love”
Well now, that just about makes me wanna cry. I am so glad that I have a man who loves me so fiercly. He only wants the best for me and can’t understand why I don’t want that for myself. What? Of course I do. Don’t I?
You see I am a little over weight and have been my entire adult life. My inner Diva keeps trying to come out but she always seems to fall short of achieving her goals.
I have fought and fought my way through my food process for years. I Have tried every pill known to man (and some known to animals, just kidding) and every fad diet that has come down the line. Of course everything worked while I was doing it. But see that’s the catch, you have to keep doing it.
I have decided to go back to the beginning, where all this food eating, exercising crap started for me. I was a VERY fit teenager , active and happy
I do remember I had a very big appetite and never once did I think I would not be able to keep that wonderful habit all through my adult life.
So, I am yet again trying something off the wall to achieve my goals. I am going back to meet my younger self on a weekly basis. We are working through all my concerns one by one, peeling back the layers to help one cope with the other. So far I am loving it. I have told my younger self “jealousy gets you NO where”( and is not very attractive either). I have tackled my fear of following through and being afraid to try new things and get out there and enjoy life. I found my “little bratty self”, smacked her around some and then had a long talk and gave her a time out.
What I am doing is hypnosis. No not your put me under and change my mind hypnosis. More of the the relax me and take me back in time. Make me feel my emotions and experiences from the past to shed the healing light on why I am the way I am. You can’t fix the why until you find the when you became how you are.
It’s all very simple. It’s not a cure, just a step on a ladder to help you climb out of your gloom to become your best self ever. I am working out now and eating better, remembering that life is short and time does not stop to wait until you are ready. My inner Diva says its time to shine again, I so love shiny things.
Have a good Daze……….